all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
