Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
