You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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