she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Never underestimate the power of titties
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
