I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize