I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
