Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
