i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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