Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
