He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
