he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
