u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
