it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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