2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
