i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Randomize
