weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
