I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I need to wash the frat house off of me
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
