about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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