Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
