I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
