I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
COCAINE IS GR8
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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