Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
