all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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