Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
