guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
