I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
