i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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