I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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