I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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