garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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