Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
