I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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