I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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