I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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