why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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