guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
