the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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