i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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