Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You brought string cheese to the strip club
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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