Tell her she can't have a vagina
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
