Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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