: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
