you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
