I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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