I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
