i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
