So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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