it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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