Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize