The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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