A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I think your dad took our porno
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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