You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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