Kiss
Puke
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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