Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
