Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
