she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
