the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
