I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
