Screwed.edu
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
