No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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