Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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