very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
