I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
