oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
