Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm both gender and math confused
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
