Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
