ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
