white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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