oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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