Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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