hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
