I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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