They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
