The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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