Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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