I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
