After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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