I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
