and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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