You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
My first STD was from a foam party
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
