was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
