Pappa wants mamma naked
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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