In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
