Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
where does the pee come out of this thing
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
