I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
