We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
