u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
A bitchslap is in order.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
