why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
