I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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