whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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