I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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