Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
